P for Parent.

I am not a parent yet, but I believe that parenting is by far the greatest responsibility of one's life. 

In order to put this responsibility into perspective, visualise an infant in your care, completely dependant on you for food, clothing, shelter, hygiene , entertainment, comfort and the intuition to decipher his or her cries and match those cries accordingly and promptly to his or her needs, as those cries could indicate distress or illness requiring immediate action.

And not just that but to make the best decisions when it comes to choosing what food to give the infant, at what time, in what quantity, at what age, breast milk or powdered milk, if powdered, what brand and why, what ingredients are in there?  Are there colourants, preservatives, additives, sugars, is the container made in China, BPA free, stainless steel or another potentially toxic material?  And then on clothing, is it organic cotton, is it soft enough, will it scratch, are the dyes going to harm the infants sensitive skin, is this item of clothing too hot or not warm enough, to tight or too loose, does it look okay, is it too much?  Is this crib sturdy enough, is he or she comfortable, is the light in his or her room too bright or is it too dark, is the air conditioning set too high or too low?  Is it time for a diaper change?  Should I bathe him or her now or later?  Is one bath a day enough?   What soap should I use?  Is this wash cloth soft enough? Is the water too hot or too cold, is that too much water?  

Just the visualisation in itself is enough to intimidate those of us who don't have children yet and certainly enough to have us scrambling about to ensure we have enough condoms in our wallets and purses and to replay those annoying birth control commercials fairly vivdly now in our childless heads.

And the responsibility doesn't stop there.  In 1930, John B. Watson stated in reference to Behaviorism in the study of Psychology that:

"Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I'll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select--doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief, and, yes, even beggarman and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations, and race of his ancestors. I am going beyond my facts and I admit it, but so have the advocates of the contrary and they have been doing it for many thousands of years."

I remember reading this statement as part of one my second year university courses in Child Psychology and thinking HOW SCARY and yet how true. 

In rearing their offspring, parents mould their children into who they will potentially be in the future.  What a great responsibilty and if done with love, how empowering.  There are certain characteristics that some parents instil in their children that are present throughout childhood and show clearly in adulthood, for example: good manners, chivalry, courteousness, respect, confidence and etiquette amongst others.  Those adults who were never taught these characteristics as children, may choose to learn them so as to fit into society better, but even then learning such later in life, after childhood is often noticeable coming across as unatural. It's not that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, so much as it is that an old dog just has more difficulty mastering new tricks. 

A child is like a clean canvas on which parents can choose what they paint, whereas an adult is like an already existing painting on a canvas on which one would have to figure out where to add paint to make it still work, without messing it all up.  So, that being said, it is SO important to get this parenting thing right the first time around. 

Some think that good parenting requires the M word...MONEY.  Whilst there are perks that come with financially able parents in terms of education in which perhaps children are taught more languages or sciences at earlier ages and thus have an advantage over their peers whose educational facilities offer more basic tools.  And of course there is the benefit of the luxury that these children may enjoy in terms of transportation, clothing, the quality of food, toys, technology and exposure to travelling and extra curicular activities, however without love, attention and nurturing from their parents even amongst these spoils the children of financially able parents can still not turn out well.  So, at the end of the day what really matters the most with regards to parenting is the parents desire and effort to mould their offspring into the best adults they can be in the future and that requires constant involvement in one's child's or children's lives.

There are so many sayings that describe how closely children mimic their parents, consciously and sub consciously: the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, like father like son, like mother like daughter, a chip off the old block, she's turning into her mother, monkey see monkey do and yet inspite of that many parents still continue certain bad behaviours in the presence of their small children thinking they can always fix it later.  WRONG!  The impact that alcoholism, promiscuity, domestic or other violence, cruelty, emotional and mental abuse, divorce, multiple relationships, rude, disrespectful, demoralising, derogatory, lazy, unambitious, disorganised, generally dysfunctional behaviour has on children WILL affect them to some extent in the future.

So, to all the parents out there, make the effort to raise your little ones perfectly from the start, after all you chose for them to be here today and not the other way around, that way if you mess up here and there on an attempt at being perfect then at least you'll still be right.

In the movie The Help, one of the maids always told each child she raised the same simple thing, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important".  Although not grammatically correct the IMPACT those simple words had to empower each of those children is PROFOUND.

If you don't already have children, IMAGINE what YOU will tell your children through out their lives to empower them into wonderful adults and if you do already have children, what do you tell them now?

Bob Marley sang, "Every little action, yields a reaction".  LESSONS LEARNED.

As a parent, what reaction will your actions yield in your children in the future?

I dedicate this blog to my baby brother who is an expectant father.  I KNOW he will be a wonderful parent, because of how our mother raised us.

Thank you for stopping by,



AfricasHeiress.