I haven't blogged for awhile, excuse my absence (for those of you that noticed that is). Nonetheless, my relationship with my laptop has been restored, so here we go:
Christmas. For as long as I can remember it has been a time I have associated with material things; gifts and food mostly. A time in which to manipulate one's family and friends into giving you what YOU want, a time to be selfish, sort of like a second birthday. It worked SO much better when I was younger, of course the cute Christmas outfits, hair adorned with ribbons, big round eyes accompanied with batting eyelids and oh so innocent smile pretty much sealed the deal back then. That time has passed.
Moving to the present, pun intended...as an adult Christmas has become a useful time in which to reflect and take a step back from the self and be aware of the others. I am by no means saying that we should not accept presents or enjoy glorious meals, but I am saying that not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to do so and that for those of us who can do so, let's really take it all in. It's so easy to get sucked into the excitement of ripping wrapping paper off to hastily get to the goal, the object of our desire at the time or stuffing our faces with that dish mom ONLY prepares for Christmas dinner and whilst it's fun...slow it down...appreciate not just the object but everything it took to even get to set moment.
Think about it! In order to be enjoying Christmas today, you had to have survived another 12 months since last year, be thankful for life. You had to have had the resources to get to where you are spending Christmas and to have others to share Christmas with, be thankful for the resources and the ability to make this happen and for the family and friends you are able to share Christmas with today. The material things that we have come to associate Christmas with are really just the cherry on top, the garnish. It's important to remember the meal on which that garnish sits - LIFE and the experiences and moments that are the ingredients to it and us making it thus far.
Not everyone has the luxury of turning Christmas into a feast. To some it's just Sunday or Monday or whatever day December 25th falls on that year. No gifts, no festive meals, in some cases no meal at all.
So as you enjoy your Christmas this year and I truly hope that you do, just take a moment to reflect on the less fortunate.
Strange as it may seem, often those we consider less fortunate for having less than we do, look upon us as less fortunate for having so much and in our lack of gratitude or sheer need for it, having so little.
Lessons Learned. Often, less is more.
Merry Christmas.
Love and Light...
Thanks for stopping by
AfricasHeiress
I dedicate this blog to my best-friend, Thomas whose presence (again with the pun, unintentionally this time) in my life is a FANTASTIC Christmas gift!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
P for Parent.
I am not a parent yet, but I believe that parenting is by far the greatest responsibility of one's life.
In order to put this responsibility into perspective, visualise an infant in your care, completely dependant on you for food, clothing, shelter, hygiene , entertainment, comfort and the intuition to decipher his or her cries and match those cries accordingly and promptly to his or her needs, as those cries could indicate distress or illness requiring immediate action.
And not just that but to make the best decisions when it comes to choosing what food to give the infant, at what time, in what quantity, at what age, breast milk or powdered milk, if powdered, what brand and why, what ingredients are in there? Are there colourants, preservatives, additives, sugars, is the container made in China, BPA free, stainless steel or another potentially toxic material? And then on clothing, is it organic cotton, is it soft enough, will it scratch, are the dyes going to harm the infants sensitive skin, is this item of clothing too hot or not warm enough, to tight or too loose, does it look okay, is it too much? Is this crib sturdy enough, is he or she comfortable, is the light in his or her room too bright or is it too dark, is the air conditioning set too high or too low? Is it time for a diaper change? Should I bathe him or her now or later? Is one bath a day enough? What soap should I use? Is this wash cloth soft enough? Is the water too hot or too cold, is that too much water?
Just the visualisation in itself is enough to intimidate those of us who don't have children yet and certainly enough to have us scrambling about to ensure we have enough condoms in our wallets and purses and to replay those annoying birth control commercials fairly vivdly now in our childless heads.
And the responsibility doesn't stop there. In 1930, John B. Watson stated in reference to Behaviorism in the study of Psychology that:
"Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I'll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select--doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief, and, yes, even beggarman and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations, and race of his ancestors. I am going beyond my facts and I admit it, but so have the advocates of the contrary and they have been doing it for many thousands of years."
I remember reading this statement as part of one my second year university courses in Child Psychology and thinking HOW SCARY and yet how true.
In rearing their offspring, parents mould their children into who they will potentially be in the future. What a great responsibilty and if done with love, how empowering. There are certain characteristics that some parents instil in their children that are present throughout childhood and show clearly in adulthood, for example: good manners, chivalry, courteousness, respect, confidence and etiquette amongst others. Those adults who were never taught these characteristics as children, may choose to learn them so as to fit into society better, but even then learning such later in life, after childhood is often noticeable coming across as unatural. It's not that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, so much as it is that an old dog just has more difficulty mastering new tricks.
A child is like a clean canvas on which parents can choose what they paint, whereas an adult is like an already existing painting on a canvas on which one would have to figure out where to add paint to make it still work, without messing it all up. So, that being said, it is SO important to get this parenting thing right the first time around.
Some think that good parenting requires the M word...MONEY. Whilst there are perks that come with financially able parents in terms of education in which perhaps children are taught more languages or sciences at earlier ages and thus have an advantage over their peers whose educational facilities offer more basic tools. And of course there is the benefit of the luxury that these children may enjoy in terms of transportation, clothing, the quality of food, toys, technology and exposure to travelling and extra curicular activities, however without love, attention and nurturing from their parents even amongst these spoils the children of financially able parents can still not turn out well. So, at the end of the day what really matters the most with regards to parenting is the parents desire and effort to mould their offspring into the best adults they can be in the future and that requires constant involvement in one's child's or children's lives.
There are so many sayings that describe how closely children mimic their parents, consciously and sub consciously: the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, like father like son, like mother like daughter, a chip off the old block, she's turning into her mother, monkey see monkey do and yet inspite of that many parents still continue certain bad behaviours in the presence of their small children thinking they can always fix it later. WRONG! The impact that alcoholism, promiscuity, domestic or other violence, cruelty, emotional and mental abuse, divorce, multiple relationships, rude, disrespectful, demoralising, derogatory, lazy, unambitious, disorganised, generally dysfunctional behaviour has on children WILL affect them to some extent in the future.
So, to all the parents out there, make the effort to raise your little ones perfectly from the start, after all you chose for them to be here today and not the other way around, that way if you mess up here and there on an attempt at being perfect then at least you'll still be right.
In the movie The Help, one of the maids always told each child she raised the same simple thing, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important". Although not grammatically correct the IMPACT those simple words had to empower each of those children is PROFOUND.
If you don't already have children, IMAGINE what YOU will tell your children through out their lives to empower them into wonderful adults and if you do already have children, what do you tell them now?
Bob Marley sang, "Every little action, yields a reaction". LESSONS LEARNED.
As a parent, what reaction will your actions yield in your children in the future?
I dedicate this blog to my baby brother who is an expectant father. I KNOW he will be a wonderful parent, because of how our mother raised us.
Thank you for stopping by,
AfricasHeiress.
In order to put this responsibility into perspective, visualise an infant in your care, completely dependant on you for food, clothing, shelter, hygiene , entertainment, comfort and the intuition to decipher his or her cries and match those cries accordingly and promptly to his or her needs, as those cries could indicate distress or illness requiring immediate action.
And not just that but to make the best decisions when it comes to choosing what food to give the infant, at what time, in what quantity, at what age, breast milk or powdered milk, if powdered, what brand and why, what ingredients are in there? Are there colourants, preservatives, additives, sugars, is the container made in China, BPA free, stainless steel or another potentially toxic material? And then on clothing, is it organic cotton, is it soft enough, will it scratch, are the dyes going to harm the infants sensitive skin, is this item of clothing too hot or not warm enough, to tight or too loose, does it look okay, is it too much? Is this crib sturdy enough, is he or she comfortable, is the light in his or her room too bright or is it too dark, is the air conditioning set too high or too low? Is it time for a diaper change? Should I bathe him or her now or later? Is one bath a day enough? What soap should I use? Is this wash cloth soft enough? Is the water too hot or too cold, is that too much water?
Just the visualisation in itself is enough to intimidate those of us who don't have children yet and certainly enough to have us scrambling about to ensure we have enough condoms in our wallets and purses and to replay those annoying birth control commercials fairly vivdly now in our childless heads.
And the responsibility doesn't stop there. In 1930, John B. Watson stated in reference to Behaviorism in the study of Psychology that:
"Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I'll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select--doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief, and, yes, even beggarman and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations, and race of his ancestors. I am going beyond my facts and I admit it, but so have the advocates of the contrary and they have been doing it for many thousands of years."
I remember reading this statement as part of one my second year university courses in Child Psychology and thinking HOW SCARY and yet how true.
In rearing their offspring, parents mould their children into who they will potentially be in the future. What a great responsibilty and if done with love, how empowering. There are certain characteristics that some parents instil in their children that are present throughout childhood and show clearly in adulthood, for example: good manners, chivalry, courteousness, respect, confidence and etiquette amongst others. Those adults who were never taught these characteristics as children, may choose to learn them so as to fit into society better, but even then learning such later in life, after childhood is often noticeable coming across as unatural. It's not that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, so much as it is that an old dog just has more difficulty mastering new tricks.
A child is like a clean canvas on which parents can choose what they paint, whereas an adult is like an already existing painting on a canvas on which one would have to figure out where to add paint to make it still work, without messing it all up. So, that being said, it is SO important to get this parenting thing right the first time around.
Some think that good parenting requires the M word...MONEY. Whilst there are perks that come with financially able parents in terms of education in which perhaps children are taught more languages or sciences at earlier ages and thus have an advantage over their peers whose educational facilities offer more basic tools. And of course there is the benefit of the luxury that these children may enjoy in terms of transportation, clothing, the quality of food, toys, technology and exposure to travelling and extra curicular activities, however without love, attention and nurturing from their parents even amongst these spoils the children of financially able parents can still not turn out well. So, at the end of the day what really matters the most with regards to parenting is the parents desire and effort to mould their offspring into the best adults they can be in the future and that requires constant involvement in one's child's or children's lives.
There are so many sayings that describe how closely children mimic their parents, consciously and sub consciously: the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, like father like son, like mother like daughter, a chip off the old block, she's turning into her mother, monkey see monkey do and yet inspite of that many parents still continue certain bad behaviours in the presence of their small children thinking they can always fix it later. WRONG! The impact that alcoholism, promiscuity, domestic or other violence, cruelty, emotional and mental abuse, divorce, multiple relationships, rude, disrespectful, demoralising, derogatory, lazy, unambitious, disorganised, generally dysfunctional behaviour has on children WILL affect them to some extent in the future.
So, to all the parents out there, make the effort to raise your little ones perfectly from the start, after all you chose for them to be here today and not the other way around, that way if you mess up here and there on an attempt at being perfect then at least you'll still be right.
In the movie The Help, one of the maids always told each child she raised the same simple thing, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important". Although not grammatically correct the IMPACT those simple words had to empower each of those children is PROFOUND.
If you don't already have children, IMAGINE what YOU will tell your children through out their lives to empower them into wonderful adults and if you do already have children, what do you tell them now?
Bob Marley sang, "Every little action, yields a reaction". LESSONS LEARNED.
As a parent, what reaction will your actions yield in your children in the future?
I dedicate this blog to my baby brother who is an expectant father. I KNOW he will be a wonderful parent, because of how our mother raised us.
Thank you for stopping by,
AfricasHeiress.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Imperfect Beings.
For as long as I can remember, I have been one to wear my heart on my sleeve. My brother described me very accurately one day saying, "You are contagious. When you are happy you make the whole world happy, but when you are sad you make the whole world sad".
Whilst my extroverted nature does neither one literally, what he meant was that when I feel, I feel deeply with my entire being, often to a fault because I lose myself to the recipient of my emotions. Something I have made a point to no longer do!
In the past I have hated myself for loving so intensely and have struggled against my innate desire to live a life of service because I have felt that it makes me weak and certainly vulnerable but recently I have come to realise that complete acceptance of myself is winning half of the battle and that whilst some of the people who I have given my genuine, sincere, deep felt love, support, time, effort, concern, money, comfort, amongst other bits of myself to, (almost always putting those individuals before myself) have been undeserving of it, my ability to still have done it makes me proud of myself, thankful that I was raised right, grateful that I am able to still be selfless after the hardships I have been through and continue to go through, hopeful that I will make a wonderful lifetime partner and parent one day and that all those people I have loved intensely in the past and in the future will benefit from knowing unconditional love.
The truth is people tend to be selfish creatures, who will do whatever it takes for their own self gratification and in so doing ignore the harm or hurt, whatever magnitude they cause on the way. To the extent that it has become so easy not to put in the work to show love or just concern for others, which can be as simple as a text message, call, email, invitation to share a meal etc in preference of doing something related to onself: me, I.
In spite of this so many of us will choose to keep the company of superficial, shallow, selfish people for all the wrong reasons, money, appearances, fame, fortune, all the stuff that ultimately won't matter in the end. How many times have those same people let you down? Blatantly used you? Or put more casually, thrown you under the bus. It's not just in movies where the bad guy turns on his crew in order to gain more. Open your eyes and watch it happening everyday, all around you. And yet even with eyes wide open like saucers, knowing full well who is a true friend from their actions, so many of us still turn our backs on the real good guys in our lives for the bad. It's a shame!
I for one have every intention of choosing my relationships with other humans much more wisely and I would recommend you do the same, because life really is too short to waste on non reciprocal relationships. LESSONS LEARNED.
"Life isn't about who's coming to the party but who will be there to help you pick up the pieces when all the guests are gone" - K. Steffans
Who are the guests at the party that is your life and who are the people helping you pick up the pieces and most importantly who do you place more value on and what does that say about you?
Love and light.
Thank you for stopping by,
AfricasHeiress.
Whilst my extroverted nature does neither one literally, what he meant was that when I feel, I feel deeply with my entire being, often to a fault because I lose myself to the recipient of my emotions. Something I have made a point to no longer do!
In the past I have hated myself for loving so intensely and have struggled against my innate desire to live a life of service because I have felt that it makes me weak and certainly vulnerable but recently I have come to realise that complete acceptance of myself is winning half of the battle and that whilst some of the people who I have given my genuine, sincere, deep felt love, support, time, effort, concern, money, comfort, amongst other bits of myself to, (almost always putting those individuals before myself) have been undeserving of it, my ability to still have done it makes me proud of myself, thankful that I was raised right, grateful that I am able to still be selfless after the hardships I have been through and continue to go through, hopeful that I will make a wonderful lifetime partner and parent one day and that all those people I have loved intensely in the past and in the future will benefit from knowing unconditional love.
The truth is people tend to be selfish creatures, who will do whatever it takes for their own self gratification and in so doing ignore the harm or hurt, whatever magnitude they cause on the way. To the extent that it has become so easy not to put in the work to show love or just concern for others, which can be as simple as a text message, call, email, invitation to share a meal etc in preference of doing something related to onself: me, I.
In spite of this so many of us will choose to keep the company of superficial, shallow, selfish people for all the wrong reasons, money, appearances, fame, fortune, all the stuff that ultimately won't matter in the end. How many times have those same people let you down? Blatantly used you? Or put more casually, thrown you under the bus. It's not just in movies where the bad guy turns on his crew in order to gain more. Open your eyes and watch it happening everyday, all around you. And yet even with eyes wide open like saucers, knowing full well who is a true friend from their actions, so many of us still turn our backs on the real good guys in our lives for the bad. It's a shame!
I for one have every intention of choosing my relationships with other humans much more wisely and I would recommend you do the same, because life really is too short to waste on non reciprocal relationships. LESSONS LEARNED.
"Life isn't about who's coming to the party but who will be there to help you pick up the pieces when all the guests are gone" - K. Steffans
Who are the guests at the party that is your life and who are the people helping you pick up the pieces and most importantly who do you place more value on and what does that say about you?
Love and light.
Thank you for stopping by,
AfricasHeiress.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Deserted Island.
It's like a nightmare! I've been here before many times and probably will be many more, "...hopefully not..." whispers my optimistic side, in a comforting, yet barely audible voice, she's tired. It's one of those days. The really difficult ones, where no one calls, texts or emails. It's as if time has stopped on this deserted island and whilst my mother and I sit in the dark, life carries on as usual for everyone else.
My mother's in excruciating pain. The pain medication just doesn't work like it used to anymore, so my ears are filled with her desperate moans, groans, cries and pleas to help her. Relieve her from this torture called Cancer. Stop it! Hell, even PAUSE it just for a little while. Do something, anything. What? What can I do? I have been confronted with that very question countless times and yet every time it reappears in the exact same fashion, I am as bewildered as if it were the very first time.
I've got to keep it together: pack a bag, make sure everything's in it, ALL her medication (that alone may need it's own bag), turn everything off in the apartment, pack the cellphones and chargers, money and identification, health insurance card, CANNOT forget that...all the while talking softly to her, comforting her, "...everything will be okay mom, I'm here. We're going to the hospital, they can help us there..." Only because I have repeated those words like a mantra am I able to say them so calmly. because my mind and my heart are racing as if in opposite directions of the highway, at full speed and headed to collide.
Arms full, as if bearing gifts, I KNOW what that sound means and drop it all, making a dash at full speed for the bucket. Just in time, poor mom's body is erupting like a volcano now, the term, puking one's guts does her no justice. One hand on the bucket, one rubbing her back, still she is begging me for relief and in my native language, it just sounds worse, piercing my heart deeper than any spear, deeper than anything. On and on it goes. How can her tiny body release so much? Eventually it stops. Again, I dash off to scoop up everything I had dropped. Like a triathlon I throw it all in the car, start it, rush back and help mom up and into the car. I should have my eyes on the road, but for the most part they are fixated on the image in the rear view mirror of her lying on the back seat, "...is she breathing?" I only feel slight relief when I see her chest move up and down ever so slightly. My heart stops at the thought, what would I do if she wasn't? Focus now, focus.
To the hospital...but THAT is a whole other blog on it's own.
This experience really happened to me today and has happened to me many times before this.
There are those who have been there for my mother and I, but they are few and far between. It seems in those desperate moments when things go astray one is suddenly involuntarily exiled to a deserted island. As if ignoring the problem makes it go away.
It is difficult to be the caregiver to my mom with Cancer, but I would not trade it for the world. I am humbled by the experience and continue to learn from it and her each time. Often, I don't think I can do it anymore, but I do and as long as it is necessary, I will. That doesn't change the fact that it is extremely difficult and lonely, I long to be out there in the world living my life, hanging out and having fun. Priorities: LESSONS LEARNED. I hope none of my peers have to go through this in their lives, but if any of you ever do, having been there I will gladly help you. It is so much easier with support, I unfortunately just haven't had much.
"...maybe that will change..." the optimist whispers again.
I'm exhausted.
I dedicate this blog to my mother whom I love everyday of my life and for all of hers.
"Friends are as companions on a journey, who ought to aid each other to persevere in the road to a happier life".
Pythagoras
Thanks for stopping by,
AfricasHeiress.
My mother's in excruciating pain. The pain medication just doesn't work like it used to anymore, so my ears are filled with her desperate moans, groans, cries and pleas to help her. Relieve her from this torture called Cancer. Stop it! Hell, even PAUSE it just for a little while. Do something, anything. What? What can I do? I have been confronted with that very question countless times and yet every time it reappears in the exact same fashion, I am as bewildered as if it were the very first time.
I've got to keep it together: pack a bag, make sure everything's in it, ALL her medication (that alone may need it's own bag), turn everything off in the apartment, pack the cellphones and chargers, money and identification, health insurance card, CANNOT forget that...all the while talking softly to her, comforting her, "...everything will be okay mom, I'm here. We're going to the hospital, they can help us there..." Only because I have repeated those words like a mantra am I able to say them so calmly. because my mind and my heart are racing as if in opposite directions of the highway, at full speed and headed to collide.
Arms full, as if bearing gifts, I KNOW what that sound means and drop it all, making a dash at full speed for the bucket. Just in time, poor mom's body is erupting like a volcano now, the term, puking one's guts does her no justice. One hand on the bucket, one rubbing her back, still she is begging me for relief and in my native language, it just sounds worse, piercing my heart deeper than any spear, deeper than anything. On and on it goes. How can her tiny body release so much? Eventually it stops. Again, I dash off to scoop up everything I had dropped. Like a triathlon I throw it all in the car, start it, rush back and help mom up and into the car. I should have my eyes on the road, but for the most part they are fixated on the image in the rear view mirror of her lying on the back seat, "...is she breathing?" I only feel slight relief when I see her chest move up and down ever so slightly. My heart stops at the thought, what would I do if she wasn't? Focus now, focus.
To the hospital...but THAT is a whole other blog on it's own.
This experience really happened to me today and has happened to me many times before this.
There are those who have been there for my mother and I, but they are few and far between. It seems in those desperate moments when things go astray one is suddenly involuntarily exiled to a deserted island. As if ignoring the problem makes it go away.
It is difficult to be the caregiver to my mom with Cancer, but I would not trade it for the world. I am humbled by the experience and continue to learn from it and her each time. Often, I don't think I can do it anymore, but I do and as long as it is necessary, I will. That doesn't change the fact that it is extremely difficult and lonely, I long to be out there in the world living my life, hanging out and having fun. Priorities: LESSONS LEARNED. I hope none of my peers have to go through this in their lives, but if any of you ever do, having been there I will gladly help you. It is so much easier with support, I unfortunately just haven't had much.
"...maybe that will change..." the optimist whispers again.
I'm exhausted.
I dedicate this blog to my mother whom I love everyday of my life and for all of hers.
"Friends are as companions on a journey, who ought to aid each other to persevere in the road to a happier life".
Pythagoras
Thanks for stopping by,
AfricasHeiress.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Birthdays.
I have a birthday coming up. Like most people I had set goals that I would have liked to achieve by now, but not all of those goals came to pass. Truth be told, I still have quite a long way to go. There is an added pressure that comes with being the first born, that only first borns can understand, but I digress...the point is as each birthday sneaks up on me the pressure increases to achieve those goals I had set, as if with each year time is running out. Birthdays used to be all fun and games, parties and gifts, later some alcoholic debauchery but now it's as if each birthday is chasing me with a knife like some awful horror movie....aaargh!
I suppose time is of essence, the days of my heart's desire being a Barbie, My Little Pony or BMX are long gone. Now I catch myself drooling over beautiful, multiple bed roomed, double storey houses and Range Rover Sports, Mercedes Benz with AMG kits, Q7s and Porsche Cayennes. Oh how one's wants change. Can YOU feel the pressure just reading my wish list???
So, reality check...is it reasonable to continue to put the kind of pressure on myself that has my heart racing more often than not to succeed or should I just settle for what I can get and at least be able to breathe normally?
I don't know about you, but the easy way out has absolutely NOT been the story of my life thus far and birthday or not will not be this year.
Calvin Coolidge wrote, "Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated failures. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent".
LESSONS LEARNED.
Thanks for stopping by,
AfricasHeiress.
I suppose time is of essence, the days of my heart's desire being a Barbie, My Little Pony or BMX are long gone. Now I catch myself drooling over beautiful, multiple bed roomed, double storey houses and Range Rover Sports, Mercedes Benz with AMG kits, Q7s and Porsche Cayennes. Oh how one's wants change. Can YOU feel the pressure just reading my wish list???
So, reality check...is it reasonable to continue to put the kind of pressure on myself that has my heart racing more often than not to succeed or should I just settle for what I can get and at least be able to breathe normally?
I don't know about you, but the easy way out has absolutely NOT been the story of my life thus far and birthday or not will not be this year.
Calvin Coolidge wrote, "Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated failures. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent".
LESSONS LEARNED.
Thanks for stopping by,
AfricasHeiress.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
What Is Love?
NO! This is NOT yet another soppy, "chick" orientated blog, whingeing, whining, nagging or complaining about the male species, so DON'T shut of your technological device just yet, read on...it'll be worth it.
There seems to be an epidemic affecting us 80's babies, it seems over the past couple of years damn near all of us simultaneously got bitten by the marriage and baby bug. I have to really wrack my brain to think of a friend or family member within that age group, both male and female who isn't either engaged, married, an expectant and/or existing parent. Even then amongst the few I can think of at least half are considering proposing and/or settling down and starting a family.
I have to admit, the idea of being in a mutually committed relationship, with one person who you can absolutely trust to keep you safe from sexually transmitted diseases by NOT cheating and furthermore to keep you safe from unnecessary heartbreak by constantly considering the consequences of their actions, sounds like bliss. However, even as simplified as I've stated it, that bliss seems unattainable. Which brings us back to our peers afflicted by this marriage/baby epidemic, how many of them are happily married? How many of them are raising children they conceived as a couple, happily together under the same roof as a family unit? I have no doubt that some do fall into those categories, but not nearly enough.
We've all seen significant others out there, with others who are definitely not significant. In Zimbabwe cheating is so common that a term, used so widely even children know it has been created to define a mistress, "smallhouse". And then there are the terms, "baby mama" and "baby daddy". What happened to make it desirable to be the side dish to the entree or to scatter one's sperm in multiple vaginas without consideration that one's seed or in most cases seeds will grow up in yet another broken home with more step mothers and step fathers and more step siblings and half siblings to even confuse a genius.
Are we sure that we are really ready for the marriage/baby epidemic or do we need to reevaluate the situation.
What Is Love?
Noone is perfect! But, we need to take personal responsibility for our actions. A child is a gift and we cannot continue to procreate so carelessly. The reality is relationships require work! You wouldn't apply for a fulltime job unless you were absolutely sure you were able to meet the requirements and if you accepted the job, you would have to work hard inorder to not only retain your position, but to excel. So why commit yourself to a marriage if you aren't willing to put in the work necessary to make it work?
Too many of us believe that if we date multiple partners eventually we will find the perfect one. LESSONS LEARNED. There IS NO PERFECT ONE! Each individual comes with their pros and cons, the trick is either to be single and have relations with various people, mutually commitment free or to mutually commit to a relationship and work at it and through it together.
Most of us wouldn't just get up one day and quit a job we had held for an extended period of time, albeit it's ups and downs (with in reason). If not a job, why quit on the person you love?
Thanks for stopping by,
AfricasHeiress.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Coming to America.
Remember back in Africa, I'll be specific and say, Zimbabwe..but I'm fairly certain that you can *insert your native country here* when as a teen you would watch music videos off DSTV or other satellite television, all of them American, ranging from Craig Mac to Mariah Carey and fantasize about your journey to "the land of the free"??? Taking that fantasy to as close to a reality as you could by not only memorizing the exact words, verbatim and choreography so that your African ass might as well BE the artist you were imitating, but by integrating the accent, walk, talk and attire, remember Karl Kani???...into your lifestyle. Maaaan!!! How, oh how we wanted to be in America.
Ok, years later - post teens, MANY of us are here in America, myself included and have been for year, after year, after loooooooong year. Question: "Was it worth it?"
Depending on our individual circumstances, we ended up in America for various, unique reasons. Hardly any of them even remotely related to those teenage dreams we linked to the music videos we used to watch. If anything, having arrived here, and felt the hostility America can have towards immigrants many off us may wish we had never even watched those music videos way back when and stuck to our local television, boring as it may have been. LESSONS LEARNED....*sigh*. It is an awful thing to feel as if you have to beg for the basics you would otherwise have the privilege to select from, at your leisure in your country of origin.
When did one's birth place begin to have such a HUGE impact on one's life? You may think I am insane to type that, but ask yourself...how much of a difference it would have made in YOUR life if you were, I'll use myself here now...American born versus Zimbabwean born??? Food for thought! Blue passport versus Green one...a WORLD of difference!
Please, don't get me wrong. Until the day I breathe my very last breath, I will be PROUD to be AFRICAN, SOUTHERN AFRICAN, ZIMBABWEAN! But I have experienced first hand the consequences my nationality has had on my ability to excel in America. That dreaded "paperwork" restricts access to damn near EVERYTHING! Education, employment, health care, purchases, rental, travel...and on and on. As Africans we are patient, resilient people, so we find our ways around it...BUT...is it really worth what we endure, even in the midst of that patience and resilience???
I have a Bachelor of Social Science degree in Labour, Organisational Psychology and Human Resource Management. A TRIPLE major, completed in only THREE years. If I was American, I'd be a genius, but I am African, in limbo here, so with that degree, I have had to babysit. ME, private school educated, wiping a shitty baby's ass, not my own baby, a job my uneducated maid in Zimbabwe would have done. So many others, driven to desperation, much more highly educated than I have had to do the same and worse.
Dedan Kimathi said, "It's better to die on your feet than live on your knees".
Coming to America.
Should we all just go home?
Thank you for stopping by,
AfricaHeiress.
Ok, years later - post teens, MANY of us are here in America, myself included and have been for year, after year, after loooooooong year. Question: "Was it worth it?"
Depending on our individual circumstances, we ended up in America for various, unique reasons. Hardly any of them even remotely related to those teenage dreams we linked to the music videos we used to watch. If anything, having arrived here, and felt the hostility America can have towards immigrants many off us may wish we had never even watched those music videos way back when and stuck to our local television, boring as it may have been. LESSONS LEARNED....*sigh*. It is an awful thing to feel as if you have to beg for the basics you would otherwise have the privilege to select from, at your leisure in your country of origin.
When did one's birth place begin to have such a HUGE impact on one's life? You may think I am insane to type that, but ask yourself...how much of a difference it would have made in YOUR life if you were, I'll use myself here now...American born versus Zimbabwean born??? Food for thought! Blue passport versus Green one...a WORLD of difference!
Please, don't get me wrong. Until the day I breathe my very last breath, I will be PROUD to be AFRICAN, SOUTHERN AFRICAN, ZIMBABWEAN! But I have experienced first hand the consequences my nationality has had on my ability to excel in America. That dreaded "paperwork" restricts access to damn near EVERYTHING! Education, employment, health care, purchases, rental, travel...and on and on. As Africans we are patient, resilient people, so we find our ways around it...BUT...is it really worth what we endure, even in the midst of that patience and resilience???
I have a Bachelor of Social Science degree in Labour, Organisational Psychology and Human Resource Management. A TRIPLE major, completed in only THREE years. If I was American, I'd be a genius, but I am African, in limbo here, so with that degree, I have had to babysit. ME, private school educated, wiping a shitty baby's ass, not my own baby, a job my uneducated maid in Zimbabwe would have done. So many others, driven to desperation, much more highly educated than I have had to do the same and worse.
Dedan Kimathi said, "It's better to die on your feet than live on your knees".
Coming to America.
Should we all just go home?
Thank you for stopping by,
AfricaHeiress.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Growing Pains.
My friend's father passed away yesterday and it got me thinking about how as we get older we are affected so much more, both in frequency and emotional intensity by death. Not just in the actual dying or "passing away" to put it more sensitively of those known to us, but also in the looming possibility of their demise, in the event that it is not sudden, but long and drawn out, associated with, for example...a terminal disease...HIV/AIDS is one that has affected most, if not all Africans and then of course, there is Cancer which seems to be as rampant as the common cold in recent years, amongst many others.
As young adults, we have ALL lost someone by now. Some of us having lost both parents before our thirtieth birthdays, some earlier, some our own children, siblings, extended family and friends. In March 2008 I lost my father and my mother was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon and Carcinoid Cancer, so death and I have dueled, once He won and now I constantly feel his threatening presence hovering over my Queen, my mother. It's HARD! The combination of emotions that we are now aware of or able to feel so deeply as "grown ups", sadness, pain, fear, anger, frustration, guilt, hopelessness, helplessness and more..."insert yours here" can be crippling.
We are here now, LESSONS LEARNED and having come this far, most of us would probably not want to go back in time and start all over again, but do you remember how differently death affected you when you were younger? Close your eyes and remember as vividly as you can your earliest experience with death...how differently the child's mind perceives it, assuming off course that you were a child, life is different for us all. I was about 9 years old when my favorite uncle died, suddenly in a car accident. I remember running around with the other kids at his funeral, laughing, happy even, I don't think I quite understood at that point that he was NEVER coming back. Fast forward to the present, decades later and I tremble at the mere thought of losing a loved one, I have woken up in the wee hours of the morning, sweating, my heart racing and scrambled to call my brother in a different country because of a DREAM, a DREAM in which he died. What more if it were a reality?
GROWING PAINS.
I dedicate this blog to all of you whose loved ones are terminally ill, have lost loved ones and who will lose loved ones and to the loved ones who leave us behind, let our love for each other be eternal, surpassing space and time.
Thank you for stopping by,
AfricasHeiress.
As young adults, we have ALL lost someone by now. Some of us having lost both parents before our thirtieth birthdays, some earlier, some our own children, siblings, extended family and friends. In March 2008 I lost my father and my mother was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon and Carcinoid Cancer, so death and I have dueled, once He won and now I constantly feel his threatening presence hovering over my Queen, my mother. It's HARD! The combination of emotions that we are now aware of or able to feel so deeply as "grown ups", sadness, pain, fear, anger, frustration, guilt, hopelessness, helplessness and more..."insert yours here" can be crippling.
We are here now, LESSONS LEARNED and having come this far, most of us would probably not want to go back in time and start all over again, but do you remember how differently death affected you when you were younger? Close your eyes and remember as vividly as you can your earliest experience with death...how differently the child's mind perceives it, assuming off course that you were a child, life is different for us all. I was about 9 years old when my favorite uncle died, suddenly in a car accident. I remember running around with the other kids at his funeral, laughing, happy even, I don't think I quite understood at that point that he was NEVER coming back. Fast forward to the present, decades later and I tremble at the mere thought of losing a loved one, I have woken up in the wee hours of the morning, sweating, my heart racing and scrambled to call my brother in a different country because of a DREAM, a DREAM in which he died. What more if it were a reality?
GROWING PAINS.
I dedicate this blog to all of you whose loved ones are terminally ill, have lost loved ones and who will lose loved ones and to the loved ones who leave us behind, let our love for each other be eternal, surpassing space and time.
Thank you for stopping by,
AfricasHeiress.
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